I will make a confession that wouldn’t surprise anyone who knows me: I’m an extremely competitive person. Over the years, I’ve learned how toxic being competitive can be and so have tried to reform as best I can, doing my best to focus on process rather than result, and not comparing myself to other people as much as possible. But in observing a number of writer friends engage with the work of other writers, I realize that there are healthy ways to be competitive, and that competition can certainly overlap with inspiration.
Here are some examples of toxic competitiveness I’ve seen in myself and others. Someone you know achieves success in their career and you become so jealous of them that you’re unable to feel happy for their achievements, which in turn negatively affects your relationship with them. Or there’s a writer with qualities similar to yours who is so successful that your jealousy prevents you from reading their work and learning from them. Or you become so obsessed with being better than other writers around you that you end up being insufferable and not having any writer friends.
These are all forms of competitiveness that focus on external validation and the rewards of the outside world, which are distracting, counterproductive, and self-destructive. But when a noted author friend recently told me that she’s extremely competitive, I realize that she means she’s competitive about the work itself, and I’ve tried to follow her example. When I see another writer doing work that blows me away, I try to think about the elements that combine to make the author’s work so effective, and reflect on what steps I can take to make my own unique contribution that takes the author’s work into account. As much as I can, I try not to focus on how the author has been rewarded for their work but rather what I specifically love about it. That’s the point when competitiveness overlaps with inspiration.
Writers I’ve been competitive with, as in inspired by, recently: Bryan Washington, Joan Silber, Danielle Evans, Ted Chiang, Torrey Peters, Akwaeke Emezi, and Yiyun Li.
Here’s my prompt this month: read the work of a writer you’re jealous of, and write something of yours that builds on the work of that author. I, for one, am in the midst of doing the same.
I can relate to this. Often after I read something really compelling, I can't help but feel a bit of despair (I could never write anything that good) or frustration at my circumstances (my kids leech all my brain power from me), and I have to go through a process of reminding myself of what I have created, that it's NOT a competition, and that comparison is the thief of joy. I like your advice, to build on something they've created. What better way to honor their work?
Thanks for be honest. I feel a lot you do. I want the best for my author friends Of course! But I think it's more about my own insecurity. Am I talented? Everyone else seems to be, but am I? Nice piece.